


Metzger Moments

by rivlee



Series: Gone Are All The Days: D.C.-Metro Tales [17]
Category: Spartacus Series (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Domestic Fluff, F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-23
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-09 06:49:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/771272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rivlee/pseuds/rivlee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Metzgers and their various relationships.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Three Little Metzgers

**Author's Note:**

> Summary for this ficlet: Three small moments, in three relationship, all at different stages.

Nasir Karimi stretched out on the lounge chair on the back patio of his townhouse. He enjoyed this whole weekend thing, with normal shifts and hours, which meant he got to relax on a Sunday. 

“See, being all lithe and tempting like that is why the neighbors think we’re unholy heathens,” Agron Metzger drawled from the frame of the open sliding glass door. 

Nasir shrugged and shook his hair out of its knot, letting the sun warm it. He didn’t bother to hide his smile at Agron’s groan. 

“Seriously, you’re being indecent,” Agron complained.

Nasir raised his head and pushed up his sunglasses to study Agron, who was wearing nothing but a low-hanging pair of sweatpants. He didn’t have to say anything, certain his face made his message clear.

“But I’m not _outside_ where people can see me,” Agron said. He rolled his eyes as Nasir continued to look at him. “And despite what you say, I am _always_ properly dressed when I go for a run.” He growled and walked back inside. “Fine, you win. I’ll go make brunch.”

Nasir laughed to himself as he settled back down to enjoy the sun. He felt the cool joy of victory as the smell of french toast started to drift through the open door. 

“I love you,” Nasir called to his petulant partner.

“I love you too, but that doesn’t change the fact that Laeta and Sibyl next door are watching you through a telescope,” Agron called back.

The crashing sound from the next house and the muffled female voices made Nasir laugh so hard tears started to steak down his face.

***********************

Chadara Katsaros was five seconds away from murdering her co-worker with a three-hole-puncher. It’s not that she didn’t love Duro Metzger, her very _special_ agent partner, it was just that he’d been bored today which had already resulted in the destruction of one stapler, a small wastebasket fire, and a whole fleet of paper airplanes. She’d finally sent him on a lunch-run to save him from her own wrath. 

Her office line rang and she prayed to any god listening that Duro hadn’t been detained for arguing with one of the Metro beat cops again. 

“Special Agent Katsaros,” she said by way of greeting.

“I love with when you get all official,” Saxa Metzger answered. 

Chadara’s bad mood didn’t immediately fade at the sound of Saxa’s voice, but it took her from homicidal to just overly violent in terms of annoyance levels. She tapped her fingers on her desk as she put together the clues and signs. “Your brother called you from his car, didn’t he?”

“Duro, being a retired Recon Marine, knows how to assess a threat,” Saxa agreed. She sounded tired, unsurprising since she was currently stationed in Rota teaching a course. It wasn't exactly lunchtime in Spain.

They didn’t say _I miss you_ too often, to somehow make it hurt less, but Chadara could hear it in each breath and word. She took a moment, not even bothering to calculate the cost of the phone call in her head, and just listened to Saxa on the other line.

“I love you,” she suddenly said, interrupting Saxa’s mumblings on whether she should teach life lessons with _Blues Brothers_ or _Spaceballs_. She didn’t say it often, always prayed that actions spoke more than the words she struggled with, but there they were.

Saxa let out a surprised squeak on her end of the line. “Well, fuck, Chadara, I love you too.”

**************************

Diona Keller was the type of person who believed in a good cry to get rid of a shitty day. Work had been hell; too many orders and rude customers to easily forget with an offered cold beer and a break from her boss. She just wanted to get out of there, get home, put on her comfiest pajamas, and watch animated children’s films until she could cry it all out. 

Duro Metzger did not factor into her plans for the night. She was positive he’d be spending it with his brother, since Agron had come into the café and talked for his whole lunch hour about some big game. Instead here he was already in her apartment, with tissues, DVDs, and hot chocolate all at the ready. She was beginning to learn that the Metzgers didn't follow anyone's plans but their own, save Nasir, who was clearly magic. She wasn't mad, just pleasantly surprised. She'd wondered for days if exchanging keys with Duro would backfire. So far it'd resulted in nothing but surprised baked goods, and someone finally cleaning the tile grout of her shower stall, because apparently _that_ was the one thing Duro couldn't stand to see go untouched.

“I would've set your pajamas, but that be a little too violating of privacy even for me, and I'm paid to go through people's shit for a living. I’m good here until you’re ready for the tear fest, but I’ve decided to veto _The Fox and the Hound_ because you don’t want to see me cry that much. Like, sobbing howls that will haunt your dreams, Diona.” 

“How?” Diona asked as she dropped her purse and coat on the couch. “How could you even know?” She studied him. “The café isn’t still bugged is it?”

Duro laughed and shook his head. “I went the old-fashioned way. Agron said you looked a little down; he can be sort of stupid about emotions that don’t come from blood relatives, fellow SEALs, or Nasir, so I figured it was closer to pretty bad.”

“You figured right,” Diona said. She slipped her shoes off and settled down beside him. She curled into his side and grabbed for the remote, switching to her DVR and starting SyFy’s _Alice_.

“What about the animated movie marathon?” Duro asked.

“I’m good with this,” Diona said. She knew she blushed when Duro kissed the top of her head, but she didn’t bother to hide it. They were getting into something deeper here, more than just a relationship gone from casual to committed, and part of her would always be a little scared of that. She’d spent the past ten years seeing relationships, good ones with people she cared about, start, crash, and gloriously burn. There were people worth the risk of fantastically shitty outcomes though, and Diona sensed that Duro was one of them.

“Thank you,” she murmured into the soft fabric of his t-shirt. 

Soothing fingers trailed through her hair as a deep voice murmured, “Anytime, Di.”


	2. Mira Knows Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lugo hasn't seen Marcia for three months. For a Value Me prompt as requested by Jan

“Uncle Lugo is sad,” Sadie declared from her place on Nasir’s lap. They were painting her wooden birdhouse in _Lugo’s Craft Corner_ and he did, in fact, seem sad.

“Maybe his tummy aches,” Nasir said as he tickled Sadie’s own. 

“Or,” Donar said as he carefully painted a butterfly for Mira’s garden, “he’s lovesick.”

_That_ got Nasir’s attention. “What do you know that I don’t? Duro knows more gossip than anyone in the family and he tells me everything.”

Donar shrugged. “Sorry, bro, can’t reveal my sources.”

Sadie giggled. “Mommy said it’s because Miss Marcia is teaching at the dance studio again. She said Uncle Lugo didn’t have the balls to approach her last time and now he thinks she’s mad at him. How big do his balls need to be? I can lend him some of mine.”

Nasir desperately tried not to laugh, not when Donar was glaring at him in a way that made it clear this was all somehow Agron’s fault. He bit the inside of his lip until tears came out of his eyes as he patted Sadie’s hair. “I’m sure Uncle Lugo would appreciate it,” he said, once he was under control.

“But as I explained to your mother last night, this is something Uncle Lugo has to do on his own,” Donar said.

“Mommy said that was crap,” Sadie informed Nasir.

“She’s going to have a lot more to say when she realizes how much you heard,” Nasir teased. Mira liked to believe her daughter was perfectly innocent and had refrained from picking up any of the bad habits of her elders. Mira was a little self-delusional in that regard. 

Lugo’s loud sigh from the counter could be heard in the backroom. Nasir exchanged a look with Donar and nodded. “Sadie, what don’t you go to your papa? I’m going to see if Lugo has any juice boxes we can swipe.”

Sadie slid off his lap before jumping on her father’s back. Donar playfully growled at her as he made sure she didn’t fall. Nasir paused only long enough to get a photo of them, before he went out to the front of the store. Lugo was there, eyes trained toward the dance studio across the street, where a large amount of jumping could be seen through the window.

“Let me guess, they’re doing their best _Lord of the Dance_?” Nasir asked.

Lugo nodded. “Early afternoons are always the Irish Dancing classes.”

“That’s the one Marcia teaches, right?” Nasir asked. He leaned on the counter next to Lugo and squinted. He was sure he could see the bouncing dark curls of Marcia somewhere in there, but there were so many bodies it was difficult.

“Gossip already got to you, I see,” Lugo said. 

Nasir patted Lugo’s arm. “Come on, man. You two almost had a thing last year. Now she’s back for the summer. You should go re-introduce yourself.”

Lugo shook his head. “I am a silly old man.”

Nasir rolled his eyes. “In the words of one Duro Metzger, _you are the shit_.” He checked his watch. “Class should be over in what, five minutes? I’ll watch the store; you should go welcome her back.”

Lugo frowned as he looked down at the counter. His fingers wiped at a streak of dust there. He was quiet as he thought, and Nasir swore he could hear a clock ticking somewhere. “I appreciate it, Nasir, but I’d rather not embarrass myself.”

Nasir glanced up out of pure habit, and smiled when he saw who was crossing the street. Her face looked determined, even though she was still in her dance outfit with sweaty hair clinging to her neck. Nasir quickly texted Donar. 

_mira call marcia?_

Fifteen seconds and then a reply. 

_i see my wife’s plan worked_

“Lugo Metzger, you’re a coward,” Marcia said as she pushed open the store door. “I _told_ you to call me, text me, or e-mail me. I gave you a page full of my contact information and then e-mailed you a copy just to be sure. You let me think I’d been a foolish girl all semester just because you think you’re too old? I’m sorry did you forget how we first met? You took me out to coffee and dried my tears because the asshole boyfriend, who was my age might I add, kicked me out of my own home and dropped all my shit off in front of the store. Did you think I was building a dollhouse by my own hands with the amount of stuff I bought here over winter break? Do you think I randomly go up to men I don’t know and hug them, kiss their cheek, and bake them fucking pies from scratch?”

“Dude, from scratch?” Nasir asked. 

“Right?” Marcia said. She leaned on the counter and into Lugo’s space. “Well? What the _hell_ do you have to say for yourself?”

Lugo looked terrified. Nasir wished he had popcorn. Donar and Sadie were both standing in the doorway watching. 

“I’m an idiot. I’m sorry. I wanted to give you a chance to make a move _if_ there was something there,” he said.

“I moved so much I Manifest fucking Destiny-ed all over you,” Marcia said. She cupped Lugo’s face and pulled him in for a kiss. His arms hands carefully covered Marcia’s own, as if afraid to touch her. She nuzzled his nose when she was down and slid back. “Is that clear enough, Mr. Metzger?”

Lugo dumbly nodded. Marcia grinned, happiness shiny on her face, then turned to Nasir. “When he comes back down to Earth, inform him we have a dinner date tomorrow. Casual, though I wouldn’t mind those dark trousers he wore when he took me to Midnight Mass.”

“Dude, you took her to church on Christmas and you didn’t get it?” Donar asked. 

“Exactly,” Marcia agreed. “He can pick me up at work around seven.”

“He’ll be there,” Nasir promised.


	3. Crystal Clear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For a tumblr request.

“I’m sorry, I think you just said Juergens is sending you out on an undercover mission for three weeks, but that must be bullshit filling my ears this morning,” Nasir Karimi-Metzger said as he glared at his husband over his bowl of Lucky Charms.

Agron Karimi-Metzger sheepishly dropped his head in a way that spoke of confession without any actual words. Nasir was well-acquainted with that face after so many years of life with the idiot before him.

“It…um…yeah. I have to leave tonight. It’s a joint mission with a private contractor we sometimes use for these things. He’s a good operative; been in the game at least ten years longer than me. It’s a low-risk.”

Nasir deliberately put his paper down. “Nothing with you is ever low-risk. Your family should come with a fire hazard warning.”

“Our family,” Agron instinctually corrected.

“I’m considering revising that,” Nasir growled, but without any real heat to the words. They both knew he’d be lying anyway. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He was never more than a corpsman while in the Navy, but back then he still had some connections that could easily and justifiably get him intel on Agron while he was off doing something classified and certainly stupid. He could still use Dagan, Duro, Chadara, or Saxa, but he didn’t want them risking their jobs. Agron was a civilian now; he shouldn’t be pulling any sort of missions that didn’t involve a coffee run. “Why you?” he asked. 

“Strategic drops from a helicopter into the water _might_ be involved,” Agron admitted.

Nasir opened his eyes then to see the worry straining the skin around Agron’s lips. It had nothing to do with the job itself and everything to do with Nasir’s feelings. It made sense, then, why Agron and Donar had suddenly taken up intense training courses, turning into weekend warriors and practicing with paratroopers. It explained why Agron had come home with bruises that Nasir knew only came from a harsh meeting with rough waters. Men like Agron never truly got away from their former military lives, especially when they were civilians on a Department of Defense task force. He had a specific set of skills that would be stupid to waste. It wasn’t like Nasir, who had traded in camo tourniquets for a retail job. Agron may have been the first to retire, but he wasn’t exactly working a true desk job. 

“Okay,” Nasir said as he stood up. He unzipped the side of his boots and toed them off. “We’re having a sick day.”

“We are?” Agron asked. 

“Yes,” Nasir said. He grabbed Agron’s phone out of the pocket of his jacket and called Juergens. “You are going to clean up the table, and then you’re going to go back upstairs.”

“I am?”

Nasir nodded. “Chuckler? Agron won’t be coming in today. When you decide to drop my husband into the ocean without giving me prior notice, you do _not_ get to have him the full day before. Just in case this ever happens again, I’d like us to be crystal clear on this point.”

“Most spouses know long before hand,” Chuckler Juergens pointed out. He then dared to laugh at Nasir. 

“Most spouses probably don’t know the exact dosage of regular household medicines required to both kill somebody, but not in suspicious enough quantities to make a coroner think it was anything but an accidental overdose,” Nasir said. He shooed at Agron who lingered on the bottom stair. “We won’t even mention air bubbles into the veins or what I’m capable of doing with pulse points and pressure.”

“You are a very terrifying man,” Chuckler said. “Are you _sure_ you don’t want to work with us? We have actual homemade cookies because J.P. stress bakes.”

Nasir did actually growl then, accompanied by a string of curses that would make a Marine like Chuckler blush.

“Okay,” Chuckler said, “I can hear why Metzger doesn’t like to piss you off. Oh look, it seems like he has fifteen sick days available, well, fourteen now.”

“Thank you,” Nasir said. He hung up and turned the phone off. Agron was still on the stairs. “After all this time do I really need to explain this to you?” He passed by Agron and tugged on his trousers, popping open the button on his fly. “Get your ass upstairs already why I call Lucius.”

Agron snaked and arm out and grabbed him as he passed. He pulled Nasir up into a bruising kiss before letting him go. “I’m just wondering what it says about us, that I find you the hottest when you’re like this.”

“That like most military men with control issues, your favorite place to give it up is in bed, where you should be, as in now,” Nasir said. “Honestly,” he muttered as he grabbed his own phone and dialed Lucius, “you’d think I’d married an idiot.”


	4. Support Systems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the lull between Fourth of July and state-of-haunted-house-construction-August, so Nasir reflects while Duro prepares for Diona's first semi-major family event.

There were a few rare times a year when Nasir Karimi-Metzger didn’t allow himself to worry about the combination of his in-laws and open flames. Anything which involved a grill, fire pit, or grease were oddly the rare times when accidental arson didn’t randomly occur around a dinner table. Summer was the season when Nasir, and consequently a good portion of the local Police and Fire Departments, relaxed when it came to the name Metzger. 

Even Fourth of July wasn’t a problem since sparklers and all other fireworks were banned from the household after the incident when the kids were young that apparently burned off an eyebrow each of Duro and Agron. Saxa had been smart enough to stay at her father’s side. Duro still insisted that Saxa started it in the first place, because even five-year-olds could be evil. Nasir was just glad he’d never had to figure how to explain to Detective Cobb how something most children could handle without incident ended up with five-to-seven adults and a burned down gazebo.

There was this nice lull that happened in the Metzger household between the Fourth of July and the first weekend of August and all its haunted house start-of-construction madness. It was as peaceful as the family could get, but this first weekend was extra special this year. Duro had, for once, found the good sense that supposedly came from some recessive gene in the Klaas-Metzger DNA, and had waited until the madness of Memorial Day, Flag Day, Father’s Day, and Fourth of July had passed before he invited Diona to one of the barbeques. It sucked that Chadara and Saxa were going to miss out this year, but they’d both earned the right to a shared vacation.

Nasir had to admit though, it was one of the exciting parts about being here full time, not just on shared leaves, to see Saxa and Duro bring home people they were serious about. It was nice to watch those people as they met the family, learned the traditions, and became part of the crazy mess Nasir had stumbled into, bribed by honest affection and the promise of Donar and Mira that he’d probably survive to see forty. Also the food-related benefits were pretty damn good. 

“I know that smile,” Agron said as he wrapped his arms around Nasir’s waist. It was a familiar and comfortable hold when he rested his chin on top of Nasir’s head. “You’re thinking about food. I knew you only married me for my father’s hamburgers.”

“And the pies,” Nasir said. “The pies are very important.” He leaned back into Agron, letting him take their weight. “I’m just enjoying the calm. Soon this yard will be nothing but loud, cursing people and beer bottles as far as the eye can see.” He rested his hands over Agron’s own and squeezed his wrists. “How’s Duro doing?”

“Possibly almost-puked his breakfast up in fear. It’s not like this is the first time Diona’s met the family,” Agron said. “It’s not like we’re _that_ terrifying.”

Nasir laughed low. “No. You _are_ very overwhelming though, especially in large numbers. This is Diona’s first big Metzger event. It’ll be a good test for Halloween. And Marine Corps Birthday. And Thanksgiving. And Christmas.” He tilted his head up, laughing again at Agron’s petulant frown when his resting place was disturbed. “Chadara was right, I should create a pamphlet. She’s got the softball version of the Metzgers so far, but with Saxa getting transferred closer to home, she’s going to go in full throttle now.”

Agron made the pleased sound in the back of his throat that always appeared when Nasir mentioned the word _home_ in, and around, this house. Nasir knew Agron wanted to take the house when Conrad and Mina both retired (they were already making noises about Hawaii), but Nasir felt like the backyard and multiple rooms would be better for Duro and Diona. Still, he indulged Agron every time an open house popped up in the neighborhood, and resigned himself to the fate that their townhouse was a temporary holding pattern. He’d miss Laeta when they moved.

“Thinking again,” Agron teased. “You’ve got that tension in your shoulders which means you’re about to start making a Pros and Cons list. Let’s focus back on the tranquility of an empty backyard before my father arrives with enough ground hamburger to equal his body weight and poor Diona meets both Lugo _and_ Gannicus at the same time.”

Nasir took a moment to contemplate that. “Hell, if Diona can put up with Duro at his most besotted and drunk, I think he can handle the delightful sound of _My Cock Rages On_ in both the German and Welsh versions.”

“He only drunkenly sang at her door once,” Agron said, forever defending his baby brother. 

“And how many times in voicemails?” Nasir asked. “Because knowing that _you_ were a formative influence on him, I’m guessing the number is high.”

“Stop besmirching our courting techniques when they work,” Duro said. “We have mastered the Art of Wooing in this family.” He looked nervous as hell, and Nasir had seen footage of him defusing IEDs in a war zone with a calmer expression. “I need to go pick Diona up, but I’m so nervous I think I’m going to crash the fucking car because my hands are shaking.”

“I’ll get my keys,” Agron said, pulling away from Nasir.

Nasir and Duro exchanged a glance before they both shook their heads. “Nah, I got this,” Nasir said. He leaned up for a kiss from Agron to distract him from any indignant rants or talks about strategic operations to get to Diona’s and back. He grabbed Duro’s arm and tugged him towards the driveway before Agron could snap out of it.

“Seriously, do you secretly wear hallucinogenic lip gloss or something, because you do that to him every time,” Duro said as they slid into the car.

Nasir shrugged as he adjusted the driver’s seat, thankful Duro’s frame was just slightly smaller than his brother’s. “After this long, I know the best tactics to get what I want. Are you really complaining? Do you want me to go back in there and grab him so poor Diona gets confronted with Agron in full-blown protective-big-brother mode, because I can arrange that.”

Duro’s eyes widened and held up his hands. “You’re a devious fuck, but I respect and fear you. Please never use your powers against me.”

Nasir grinned, pleased as Duro even put on his seatbelt without prompting. “This is why you’re my favorite in-law. Just don’t tell Saxa, because she’d kill us both.”

“And Lugo would cry,” Duro said.

“And Lugo would cry,” Nasir agreed. 

He pulled out of the neighborhood and watched Duro get progressively more nervous as they drove to Diona’s. Nasir had invited her out to lunch a few times ever since it was obvious Duro was truly serious about her, and that she felt the same, and he just wanted to help ease her way. He liked Diona, a lot, and she knew Naevia when they were kids. It seemed oddly destined for her to wind up in the Metzger orbit, with all the connections around them. 

“Duro, please remember to breathe,” Nasir said as they pulled into a parking space in front of Diona’s apartment. He took the keys out of the ignition and looked over to where Duro had a white-knuckled grip on his seatbelt buckle.

“What if she can’t stand it?” Duro asked. “This is the first sort-of-event. It doesn’t come near Halloween. It’s not even in the same universe as Metzgermas. What if after today, she decides the family is too much?”

Nasir pried Duro’s fingers from their hold and clicked the seatbelt off. “Duro, I know that _you_ know Diona and the whole Keller family rival the Metzgers for size. I know that you know, thanks to Vera, and Leckie, that most of the family could also rival them for sound. She’s going to be nervous, of course, because it’s always nerve-wracking to meet the future in-laws.”

“Possible in-laws,” Duro corrected.

Nasir snorted. “Yeah, I told myself that once too. Now, you go up to that door and you act like the charming asshole I know you can be, but keep it clean. If we’re not back in an hour, Agron _will_ send out a search party.”

Duro nodded. “With choppers,” he agreed. He took a deep breath, once, twice, and then finally opened the door. He flashed his huge, trademark grin at Nasir. “Thanks for this, bro.”

Nasir shrugged. “You helped keep me and Agron together through some bad, and some utterly stupid, shit. Don’t think I would ever hesitate to do the same for you.”

Duro blew him a kiss in response before he stood up and straightened his shirt out. He damn near marched to Diona’s door, ducking to fit in under the stairwell that led to the second floor of apartments. He stood at Parade Rest as he waited for her to answer, but he was still utterly Duro as he toed her welcome mat into perfect position. He didn’t have long to wait, and Nasir watched in pride as his whole body relaxed the second Diona opened the door.

Nasir wasn’t surprised when his phone rang. He answered it with a sigh. “Stand down, Agron. It’s all good.”


	5. Inevitable Consequences of Metzger Sibling Bonding Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First posted on tumblr for a "Call Me/Nagron" prompt back in June 2014. Finally getting around to posting it over here. The ending is slightly expanded from the original.

If there was one thing Agron Metzger knew to the depths of his very soul it was this: his husband was going to kill him. 

It was one thing to get hurt on the job or rescuing kittens or while doing housework. It was another thing entirely to be a grown ass man who fell down the stairs in his parents’ house playing punch-tag with his equally grown ass brother. Agron now had a broken wrist, Duro a broken arm, and Chadara a broken faith in humanity. 

Also Nasir was going to kill them all.

“So, he didn’t answer and I had to leave a message,” Chadara said as she took her seat. She looked at Agron and Duro and shook her head. “I hope you’re prepared for what’s about to come at you.”

Duro shuddered and then froze. “Bad idea.” He rested his head on her shoulder. “He’s going to eviscerate us, right here, in this lovely emergency room. I’m going to die with the sounds of _Let’s Make a Deal_ as my final requiem.”

Chadara laughed. “Oh, come on. Nasir’s a sweetheart and he loves you both. He could _never_ be that bad.”

Agron shook his head. “You’ve never seen him really angry. It’s worse when he loves you.”

“He’d make the Hulk shrink back down to human size,” Duro said. “He doesn’t even get loud, just quiet. And then it’s even worse because he gets that _look_.”

Agron nodded. “The _I Am So Disappointed in You_ look. I hate that look.”

“How often have you gotten that look?” Chadara asked.

Duro snorted. “Let’s just say we consider it one of God’s great miracles that Nasir’s still around.”

“Indeed,” Nasir said.

All three of them flinched at the sound of his voice and turned to look behind them. Chadara’s eyes widened as she looked at their clear view of the emergency room’s doors and back at Nasir. 

“Where did you come from?” she asked.

“Upstairs. I was visiting Naevia during her lunch. Imagine my surprise when I got your message.” He glared at Duro and Agron. “I should’ve seen this coming. If it’s not accidental arson, it’s always something else emergency services related with you two. Please tell me you didn’t burn your parents’ house down.”

“We did not burn our parents’ house down,” Duro and Agron swore. 

“Good,” Nasir said. He took the chair next to Agron and patted his non-broken wrist. “Paperwork filled out?”

“Yeah, we’re just waiting our turn,” Duro said.

“And besides the actual broken limbs, you’re okay?” Nasir asked. 

“Yes,” they both answered.

“Good.” Nasir kissed Agron’s cheek before sitting up straight and turning Agron’s face to look at him. “Now tell me what the _fuck_ were you actually thinking? Are you trying to give the family a collective heart attack? Do you know how many accidental deaths are caused just by slipping at home much less playing punch tag with your brother? Don’t give me that fucking look. I know what you two idiots get up to when left to your own devices. Stairs, Agron, really? You tell Sadie not to play near the stairs and you pull this bullshit? What? Do you think because you’re a trained SEAL and Duro’s trained Recon that you’ll just magically avoid getting injured in your civilian lives? I spend enough time worrying about you two getting shot on the job. Do you even comprehend the fucking fear that goes through me whenever I get an unexpected phone call telling me to not freak out but come to the goddamned hospital?”

“Damn,” Chadara whispered. 

“And you,” Nasir said turning his glare at her. “Next time a better description of their injuries would be appreciated.” He leaned over and patted her hand. “Thank you for bringing them both here. I know how difficult they can be.”

“No problem,”’ Chadara said.

Nasir took a deep breath. “I love you dumb fucks, but you have _got_ to be more careful.”

“Yes, Nasir,” Agron and Duro said. 

Nasir nodded. He leaned over Agron to pat Duro’s head. “I’m glad you’re relatively okay. Don’t do it again.”

"We love you," Duro said. "Truly and honestly. Best thing my brother didn’t royally fuck up."

Agron grinned and Chadara dropped her head into her hands in despair.

"I love you too," Nasir said. He took a deep breath and rested his head against Agron’s shoulder. "Stop scaring me like that, okay?"

"Okay," Agron said. He dipped his head and kissed Nasir’s hair.

"Hey, can we get ice cream after this?" Duro asked. "I’m just saying. Casts and then ice cream. It’s kind of a family tradition."

Nasir just closed his eyes and laughed. “Yes, we can get ice cream after you’re done.”

“Do you think they’ll let me have the camo cover on my cast?” Duro asked. “White’s so boring. Does that violate NCIS uniform regs? Can Agron get hot pink? I think the boys at the DoD would lose their shit over that.”

“Maybe to the camo if they have it down here, no to the pink,” Nasir said. “I‘ve finally got Agron to abandon all neon colors save for safety vests. Do not bring them back.”

“Fair enough,” Duro said. “Hot pink would look stupid on him anyway. How about a nice purple?”

“Purple could work,” Nasir said.

“I’m right here,” Agron said even though he knew it was pointless.

Nasir waved him off and turned his attention back to Duro. “You’ll have to convince someone from Pediatrics to bring it down.”

“Challenge accepted,” Duro said. 

Chadara sighed. “This whole family has about a hundred screws loose.”

“And aren’t you glad to be a part of it?” Agron asked. He was only a little nervous about the answer. Saxa had probably filled Chadara in on the worst things they’d ever done, and breaking bones while playing punch tag didn’t even scratch the Top Fifty.

“Yeah,” Chadara said as she looked at them. “Yeah, I am.”


	6. The Anniversary (Donar/Mira)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little Donar/Mira ficlet from tumblr for amorekay.

"Did you really just tell me you can’t find your wife?"

"Shut up, Duro," Donar said as he scanned the crowd in the Outback Steakhouse. "We’re supposed to meet here for our anniversary dinner. It’s where we had out first date."

"The first date where you both ended up going to two different Outbacks?" Duro asked. "I’m pretty sure I’m violating some form of national security by getting Runner here to ping your wife’s phone. Are you sure you’re at the right Outback."

"Yeah, this is the one we decided to eat at after I found her," Donar said. "I remember because the Baskin-Robbins is right down the street and that’s where we went for dessert."

"Right, okay. What if she’s at the one you were originally supposed to go to that night?" he asked.

Donar rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Duro, why would she do that?”

Duro’s sigh was even more amplified over the phone. “Because that’s technically where your first date was supposed to take place. Wouldn’t it be easier to just scan the parking lot for her car? There can’t be too many classic white mustangs there.”

Donar’s phone signaled another call. He pulled it away from his ear and saw the picture of Mira and Sadie smiling up at him.

"Duro, I have to go. Mira’s calling."

"Twenty bucks says she’s at the other restaurant."

"Goodbye Duro," he said before switching over.

"Where are you?" Mira asked. "I can’t even find your car in the parking lot."

"I’m standing in the parking lot. Where’s you car?"

"Near the lamppost closest to the road."

Donar walked though the parking lot and saw no sign of either his wife or his car. If Duro was right, he’d never live it down.

"Mira, darling, love of my life, which Outback did you go to?"

"The one where we were supposed to have our first date." She laughed. "You’re at the other one, aren’t you?"

"Quite the anniversary," Donar said.

"At least it’s good history that’s repeating itself," Mira said. He could hear the sound of a car door closing. "How about you pick up a pizza and I’ll meet you back at the house. I’m not in the mood for steak tonight."

"Hey, I put on a nice tie and everything. We’re eating someplace nice."

"Yes, I’m sure you put so much more effort in tonight than I did. How long does it take to straighten your hair, baldy?”

"You like my peach fuzz," Donar said.

"I do," Mira agreed. "I also think our home is a pretty nice place to eat. Come on, the backyard, you and me, and some pizza. Agron and Nasir have Sadie until tomorrow. We got the house all to ourselves. Think about all that uninterrupted sleep."

Donar laughed as he get into his own car. “Oooh, tell me more.”

"Get home soon and I’ll even start talking about REM sleep," Mira said. "Love you. Get me garlic bread."

"The cheesy kind, I know," Donar said. "I love you too. Happy anniversary."


	7. Not a Valentine's Day Agron/Nasir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Agron, Nasir, and celebrations. For spartacusalltheway on tumblr.

They didn't celebrate Valentine's Day. It wasn't out of a sense of protest or anything, even if Nasir did firmly believe it was all a steaming pile of capitalist bullshit. When they were both still serving it was impossible to even acknowledge unless they were in person, and even then it'd have to be some simple stupid joke as they sat next to each other in a bar full of other supposed lonely hearts military types. After they got out, well, it was a whole long-string of failed incidents that proved the day just wasn't for him. Agron tried, god bless him, but after the man somehow managed to turn the skin of his hands blood-red while trying to make frosting for some sugar cookies, Nasir begged him to just have a nice, normal night. He'd insisted on it after the time the microwave almost exploded when Duro came down to help Agron melt chocolate for some hand-dipped strawberries. No one was really sure _how_ it happened, especially since Agron and Duro were both highly competent individuals, and the Metzgers were usually only dangerous around open flames.

The final straw came when Nasir slipped on a the rose petals showering the dinning room floor and stabbed a large stuffed bear was stabbed in it's bright red heart. Nasir still had nightmares about Paddington, Teddy Ruxbin and Corduroy coming to exact their revenge.

Nasir locked the door to the antiques store and started the drive the drive home. He jumped as he turned the key and his stereo started to blare at a song. He turned the volume down until he recognized T.I.'s Whatever You Like. Nasir leaned his forehead against his steering wheel as he laughed. He pulled out his phone and called Agron.

"You broke into my car," he said.

"You'd be amazed what I've learned working for the DoD," Agron said. "I know we're supposed to treat this like a regular, normal night, but I wanted to do something different.There's a map in your glove compartment box. Don't worry, we had Saxa helps us this year. No fireworks, I swear."

"I'll be sure to bring the fire extinguisher just in case," Nasir said. He found the map and ran his fingers over Agron's scrawl of his name. "I love you, you know. Even when you're the asshole who breaks into my car and tries to burst my eardrums."

"I love you too," Agron said. "Even when you're the asshole who refused my holiday-themed romantic advances over little things like safety concerns. See you soon."

"What is this place?" Nasir asked. It went out into the Virginia's countryside.

"Diona's friend has a place out here," Agron said. "I know how much you love horses and missed riding them since you joined up. You never make time for it on the weekends now even though we're both out. Melitta seems like a nice lady, and she's got a beautiful home complete with stables."

"I hope we're not ruining her Valentine's then," Nasir said.

"Oh, I think we're making it much better," Agron said. "Mom and dad are here. They've already taken over the kitchen. Your brother's hanging out with one of the stable hands."

"My brother's there?" Nasir asked.

"And Grandma Karimi. Just waiting for you," Agron said.

"You devious little asshole," Nasir said as he started his car.

"We both know there's nothing little about--Ow."

"You okay?"

"Your Grandma just whacked my ass with her cane."

"I love our family," Nasir said.


	8. The Metzgers and St. Paddy's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For omarysueo on tumblr who requested “I Can’t Believe I Just Said That” + Metzgers

The Metzgers weren’t Irish, so St. Patrick’s day was never really on the list of their big family events, but since Diona was kind of Irish-American at the very least, it’d been declared a new family event. Nasir laughed quietly to himself as he watched Diona pleasantly try to decline the prospect of a Metzger-level family gathering.

“You really don’t have to do that,” she said. “We don’t even really celebrate it.”

“Nonsense,” Mina said. “You’ll be officially part of the family in July, so what better way to welcome you in than by making a new tradition. Some corned beef and cabbage is the least I can do.”

“That’s not really—we don’t eat—we really don’t celebrate it,” Diona said. No one heard her as Mina had pulled out her trusty recipe book and Saxa started voicing her opinions on the guest list.

“Just give in,” Nasir said as he patted her shoulder. “If it makes you feel any better, we celebrate the Kentucky Derby because of Chadara.”

Diona just shook her head. “I hate corned beef and cabbage. I think green beer is stupid. I’ve disliked St. Patrick’s day ever since I was nine and some asshole pinched me for not wearing green. And why don’t we have to do an extra special celebration because of you?”

Nasir shrugged. “I’m from the area and all of Syria’s non-religious public holidays have to do with war or revolutions of some kind.”

“Since when is St. Patrick’s day a public holiday?” Diona asked.

“It’s not,” Nasir said. “It is an event though with plenty of easily accessible consumer goods thanks to places like Party City. Embrace it; it’s who they are and who you’ll become. I almost looked forward to the inevitable fires at this point.”

“Really?” Diona asked.

“Yeah,” Nasir said. “I can’t believe I just said that, but yeah. Don’t get me wrong, I’m relieved with one less hospital trip or visit from the firefighters.” He shrugged. “You do kind of wonder what they’re going to do next though. It’s like some genius home disaster gene that runs through them.”

Diona’s face paled. “Oh god. My child’s going to like break a wall or something by the time he or she’s two. Oh god, what have I done?”

“Hey,” Nasir said as he wrapped an arm around her waist. He walked them over to the backyard where there was a clear view of Agron, Duro, Mira, Donar, and Sadie. “You’re becoming part of this family. This great, big, rambunctious family and all its members, even the ones not related by legally recognized unions or blood. They’re a mess; they’re messy, clumsy, loud, and have Lugo who is his own special level of loud. They’re temperamental, fiercely loyal, and so full of love and affection. What you’ve done is damn good. You’re lucky to be one of us, and we’re supremely lucky to have you.”

Diona smiled and kissed his cheeks. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“And you’ve got your own fuck-ups to introduce to the group,” he said.

Diona laughed. “My ex brother-in-law will be a draw at the party, I’m sure. If he gets drunk enough he’ll start quoting _Ulysses_.”

“There you go,” Nasir said. “Dinner and a show.”  
He slid the sliding glass door open and gestured for Diona to follow him outside. Duro’s laughter was the loudest of all as he let Sadie tackle him to the ground.

“We do celebrate an extra special day for me by the way,” he told Diona. “It’s kind of an anniversary for all of us.”

“An anniversary of what?” Diona asked.

“My first date with Agron,” he said. He smiled at the memory from all those years ago. “Mina, Conrad, Duro, and Saxa were all there. So was Donar in a sense since he and Agron shared an apartment at the time.”

“That’s why we absolutely must have a brunch at The Original Pancake house once a year? I wondered why it was such a big deal to Duro when I suggested IHOP instead,” she said. She shook her head at them. “Weirdos.”

Nasir grinned at the clear love and affection in her voice.

“I know the feeling,” he said.


End file.
